Back into shape.

I started working out today. I do feel a lot better that I did. I can't wait for tomorrows workout. I wanna sleep with code name B before he leaves. we'll see,,,

Tapas monday night!

i went to tapas tonight. it was a s.g.s.h.w. as MC would say. i went with code name d.a.n.c.e. (ill come up with something better soon) did our tapas thing it was fab as usual. won a game of pool and lost 8 games.. oh but the highlight of my night was going to jack in the box. d.a.n.c.e. got hungiez so we went to get some food. can i just say the taco nachos were amazing.. its pure fay but so good. we went back to tapas to eat and planyed another game of pool then i walked him like half way home. i ended up walking back to wait for steven to take me home. my lazy ass was not about to walk all the way home. i have to wake up at 8 tomorrow.. im not excited at all.mom needs a suit case. and i need to get my ass to china town to do some shopping for lasagna nigh. then off to the beach with d.a.n.c.e.. ok gtg. nite.


btw's i did this entry pon de phone. errors must be xcused!

My Current Mood

Would be depressed, inspired and tired. i miss blogging. im gonna up dat tomorrow. i get off at 2. i cant wait!

m

My lack of inspiration.

I feel uninspired to blog. I got a 2nd job, its a super easy, a brain dead job. I work there mon - fri 9am till 2 then straight over to Longhi's from 3pm to 9pm. We will see how long I can last working 2 jobs. TA TA..

Broken hearted squirrel

I'm lonely..... And what really sucks is I don't have a crush on anyone. well even if I did that wouldn't do me any good. I'd be a big pussy that would never get the guts to make anything happen. I'm to scared of rejection. I don't think I attractive enough. It's so LAME.. I'm going to bed.. I have to be up at 9am.. Yuck.

Craigslist: Job hunt!!

So I'm evil whatever!! I went on to craigs list a posted a fake job for a fake bakery just to see who would apply. I did it anonymously so no one would know who I am. So far I got 3 applicants and the funny thing is my co-worker sent me his resume. How LOL is that!! But heres the ad:

Bakery Positions Avaliable (Honolulu)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: job-mmwyq-1059615327@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-03, 10:55PM HST



Boulangerie an established mainland bakery is coming to Hawaii and is looking for a bakery manager and 3 bakery workers. Must have 5 years experience in hotel or fine dining restaurant to qualify for manager position and at least 1 year experience needed for bakery worker. We make cakes, pies, cookies, pastries, breads and many other items. Most of our items are classic French or French inspired. We are open to new ideas and are looking for people who love to create and who are inspired by what they do. We need to fill these positions A.S.A.P. Please email resume to the above address. Be sure to have a current phone number where you can be reached. And do not lie on resume for previous job experiences will be checked. Must be able to write and read in English. This is a drug free environment and a equal opportunity employer. Bakery manager will be a salary position and will start at 42,000.00 a year depending on previous experience. Bakery workers will start at 16.00 an hour depending on experience. Also those who apply for manager position please have a picture portfolio of your work. Thank you very much.

Funny journal entry:

Ok so heres the deal. If your close to me and you read this you can't judge me!! I'll kill you if you do.. I just find some of the shit I think, write, and do so funny and stupid but its me. And you gotta love it! So I wrote this while I was into David. This was the begining of my HARDCORE crush on David. I'll post more on the whole crush thing later in life..

Wednesday, February 14, 2007
LOL.... A few days ago I married David. well at least in my little crazy mind of mine.... I became Kenneth Anderson, Thinking that it sounded better than David Manning, and also wanting to drop the whole manning thing.. It never really did much for me anyways... I cant believe that I still have a crush on him. its been over 3 months now.. Why is it that I want all the things I cant have.. Fucken Marcel, he's a nice guy and seems very, very cool but I wish they would break up... and oh I've played out that fantasy.. it went something like David and Marcel would break up. David would be sad and lonely I'd offer my shoulder and BOOM.. we're a couple... LOL... We are not even that close David and I.. I can bearly look him in the eye.. Its always like that when I'm really attracted to someone. but its getting better now I can whole a conversation with him without always looking on the ground.. I kind of lost it a little bit this last Thursday. he kept poking me and trying to touch my bits and pieces playfully but I couldn't handle it so I told him I was going to kick his ass. it was either that or I was going to rape him...lol... every time he touches me I loose my mind. Its weird cause I really and truthfully cant see myself in a relationship with him and I'm iffy on the sex part.. I'm just in to him.. weird huh... well anyways Thursday is around the corner and I love Thursdays cause I get to see him... You think I go there to watch Greys anatomy and ugly Betty please... I go there to see him and a little so see everyone else but mostly him... Maybe if we had sex I'd be over it. thats how it usually works..

Our Lezbo line

EastARA!!!! And thank you to Ms. RZ for supporting us!! Please we do not design anymore. Do not bother us!

My 2006 fall collection!!

LOL... I was going through my external hard drive and found some funny shit!! This are pics I drew with one of my co-workers from the cruise ship, Zachariah. This was sketches of our fashion collection.. My pics are the slutty ones. LOL.. I'm guessing his demographics were the lezbos... LOL I love it! Oh and BTW'S our label was called EastARA.. LOL I'll post Zachariahs pics in the next post!

Evil pussy!

Oh my pussy is so cute!

Look what I made at work!!

Yeah I good at what I do... The last one I'm not so happy with looks wise but it was pretty good. The cake is called a Dobos cake, The middle one is a Gateau st. Honore and the last is a Margarita mousse. If you wanna try it come to my restaurant I make them every week. Well not the margarita mousse I was un happy with her so shes been banned! Reverse the way I explained the desserts. Blogger posted the pics in reverse order from how I downloaded them.

everyone says that love hurts,
but that's not true. loneliness hurts.
rejection hurts. losing someone hurts.
everyone confuse this things with love.
but in reality, LOVE is the only thing in this world
that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again ♥

My twitter would say:

I'm at stevens house watching him play sipderman. He's been playing this game since 4:30 pm and its now midnight.. We got the new street fighter game but have yet to test it out. I cant wait. I also have a bad case of the farts. I had a chilimoco from zippys and I feel like a bloated hippo. I'm bored to death but its sorta fun watching him play the game.. Anyways ta-ta for now.

I have a crush...

On my co-worker Marshall.. hes cute, funny, has that cocky ass hole attitude (which I melt for) and hes seems cool. I don't really talk to him cause I turn simi-retarted when ever he talks to me. He makes all these gay innuendo jokes at me and it super hot.. Like today he stand in a corner where no one else can see him and call me name. I turn to look he has a plate of steak by hes dick and asks me if I want to eat his meat.. And its not in a your a faggot way but in a joking ha-ha way. And I wanted to say yes get rid of the steak and unzip those pants!! But I looked and smiled got a simi hard on and laughed and went back to work.. It took me about a half an hour to get that shit out of my mind. Anyways thats all for now I'm tired of typing. Thinking of Marshall is getting me all hot and bothered.. Nite!

One and Only!

I'm so, so lonely. looking for my one and only! Every time I turn around I find my heart in pieces on the ground. I'm riding home in pain again baby. And it don't mean shit to you. Your currently engaged in an intimate conversation with a young groupie or two. See players only love you when there playing games, still I gave my heart to you. It's been such a sad and winding road for me just searching for the truth!!

I would like to mention...

the guy I met at the bar as talked about in my drunk post. I just want to sat that never happened to me before. I don't go home with random strangers and sleep with them. Sure I'll make out with people but I wont go home with them.. I'm not some kind of skanky slut ho!! Thats all!

Unposted bolg entries!

I go to sleep every night with all of these thoughts that I want to blog down but never do cause if I turn my computer back on I know I'll be on it for another hour or so.. The one before this was something I thought of last night.I truly am happy in my life right now. Although I wish I were doing more things in my life that involved a little more creativity. I really want to take improve classes it looks really fun. Also I want to take some kind of martial arts of some sort. I just don't want to do all this shit alone but I know if I try and wait for someone to join me I'll be waiting forever. I also am thinking about getting a second job just for a little extra cash. I want to bartend. It looks like so much fun but I would only want to work in a gay bar.. I can't work with the straights!! No thank you!

Come to think about it!

I'm really happy with my life now. I really have no stress, I'm not depressed, my heart isn't shattered and in pieces, I'm not lonely yet, I like my job, I could stand to use a little more money but I don't want for anything. I have really good friends in my life now. Although I would love to meet more people.. I feel bloated but I still feel good about myself. I love my apartment. I love my cat. Everything is pretty good right now at this moment in time. I can't really ask for anything more. I want to start dating! I think I'm ready.. We'll try it out.. That all for now.. Nite..

Drunk Post!!!!

Extra Extra read all about it!!!

I can't believe I went home with some stranger!!! Lord knows he was good in bed and he made me cum harder than a mother fuck!! I felt bad cause he didn't cum at all but who care!... But I was happy I did.. I took a lot but I made it happen.. I think I want to fuck around with him next Thursday... I love Tapas!!! Dana rocks, 4 drinks for 4 dollars!!! Loves it! night hoes, I meed food! OMG and my phone broke!!! I'll explain later!

Fiona Found A Mic

OMG I forgot how funny this podcast was!!! Please go and listen to her at fionafoundamic.com..

My Gay Nerd Obsession

What is with this obsession that I have with gay nerds? Its so weird. I think its the glasses or something. I don't know. I'll post some pics of the guys I had and have crushes on and of the guys I dated.. Just so I can show the pattern. Brandon and David are both so fucking HOT!! Then theres the guy in red.. And I have internet crushes on stevie and taylor.. Go figure.

Jimmy Buffet Restaurant

The food was shit! Thank god it was free. I don't want to be ungrateful or anything cause it was nice of her to invite me but thank god it was free.. The hot food was cold the cold food was hot and the food took forever to get to us! DON'T EAT THERE!!! P.S. I love my new jacket!

Craigslist Missed Connections!!

For some odd reason I always check the missed connections to see if someone wrote about me.. It's funny and lame but I always think to myself maybe tomorrow.. LOL. I wonder what it would say it would be something like: To the guy with the "MC" tattoo on his right fore arm. You were sitting on the number 4 going to Waikiki. I like you shirt where did you get it from. Hit me back I want one just like that.. LOL.. It wouldn't mention that I was cute or anything and you know what? I'd be cool with that.. LOL.. I'm lame.. just thought I share.

My mind is so weird!!

Its crazy I don't know how I do it but my mind has this switch. Its always been my hidden talent. One day I'm so in love with him and the next day I feel nothing. I hope it lasts..

Next!!!

I feel good about dumping his ass!

Goodbye Steven!

I told Steven tonight I don't want to talk to him anymore. I'm sad but I know its the right thing to do. I still love him so much. God I'm going to miss him so fucking much but what more can I do, what more can I say. I did everything I could of done and it still wasn't enough. I realized tonight that I could never have what I truly wanted us to have. He wouldn't have allowed it. He's not the one, at least not right now. I've cried too much over the last year and I don't want to anymore. I deserve better. I deserve to be loved. I don't want to loose his friendship but in order for me to move on to a better place I need time to heal and time to learn from this experience. I really hope down the road I'll be able to talk to him and laugh about everything thats happened. I still wish him the best. I hope he enjoys hes time left here. And I'm sure he will. I'm sure he won't loose a wink of sleep over this. well I guess its time to cry myself to sleep.. Nite.

The silence is killing me!

It's 11:30 pm on a Sunday night and I'm dying of boredom. I have nothing to do. Theres nothing on tv, nothing new on the internet, the cat is sleeping. This is crazy. I want someone to save me!!

Pt. 2

I really am so in love with you but I don't know if I have the strength to wait till you come around. I honestly think I would rather be single and alone then to have my heart constantly shattered by you. It sucks! I'm so confused cause I know you love me and I know you want me to be in your life. It's just I feel like what I'm trying to accomplish with you is fruitless. You feel what you feel but you don't show how you feel. You say all these thing to me but you never show it. Maybe I'm being naive, maybe I'm want to believe you, I don't know how to feel right now. Its like I'm no longer mad at you, I want to be with you but at the same time I want to leave you but I'm still waiting for you to come around. Love sucks! This shit is so confusing.I really need to think about thing. I am really glad we had that fight. It cleared a lot of things between you and I but it sucks cause I think it made you even more distant from me then you were. It really feels like I'm fighting a losing battle. IDK... I'm only going to say this once more. The only thing I want from you is for you to love me. I don't want anyone else I only want you! I only want to love you! That's all. The end.

I'm in love.

Thats all. I'm a stupid ass but I have my reasons. Your still a mother fucken asshole but I love you so much! I can't see myself without you and I don't want to be without you.

I got tested today...

and I am HIV-.. Whoop Whoop.. For some reason I was really scared to take the test. Although in the back of my mind I knew without a doubt that it would be negative. I kept thinking what would happen if it came back positive? I don't even know how it would effect me. I know people with HIV and they live a some what normal life. Anyways I took the rapid test and it only took 20 min and no blood was needed. They give you a swab to run across your gums and on the inside of your mouth. Next they place it in a little cup with a liquid. The tester starts the timer and BOOM! you got results in 20 min. It was pain free and easy. Oh BTW I went to the Life Foundation.. Well anyways I'm out.. I'm happy with today... Ciao Bella!

I couldn't have said it better Mariah!

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm
Slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I breakdown and cry

Poem Tuesday!

I found this poem I wrote on myspace..

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Through all the pain,

Tears can be wiped away,

Through all the sorrow,

You'll still live to love another day,

And through our happiness,

you'll survive indefinitely,

In my heart......


*And after every storm,

If you look hard enough,

A rainbow appears....

*inspired by Rainbow...

Mrs. Kitten

Gen thanks for being so amazing!! You are truly awesome and I'm so thankful to know you.. Skank!

I'm in love with Anderson Cooper!

He is so amazing!

Steven

Here's the truth. I only wanted to love you but you kept treating me like I was some kind of fling or something you were using to kill time with until something better came along. And thats the reason why I broke up with you in the letter the first time. I don't remember there being a second time but you sad there was. I was just there in you life, I just existed but nothing was ever official. It's like you never showed that you loved or cared for me yet you say you did. I don't know, all I really ever wanted from you was for you to love me the way I loved you but it never came easy for you. You say that we competed too much and thats why we never made it. I don't know what your talking about.... It's so stupid cause I'm still waiting on you. I know it may never happen but I can wish can't I? Lately I've been so depressed. IDK if its cause I miss you or if I miss having someone to be there for. I really am jealous of sheila. You treat her so much better than you ever treated me. I really hate her so much for that. She got to know a part of you that I'll never get to know. I'm honestly not mad at you, well at least not anymore. I'm moving on more and more every day but tonight set me back a little. You know whats really funny? I erased you number from my phone over 20 times. It just felt right but I couldn't make the feeling stick. I always wanted to text you or call you to some how get your attention. I'm typing and crying at the same time and I feel so stupid.. I don't know if you remember Hy's steak house? That was one of my favorite memories of you and I. It just felt so right.. That moment just stands out so much when I think of all our times together.. Thanks for that night it really meant a lot! I really meant what I said on new years night. That's all I really ever wanted to hear. All I ever wanted from you was to acknowledge what I did for you. I never wanted anything back form you just a thanks. I still hope you find what your looking for. If not I'll still be here but not for long. Anyways Ill see you soon. I have so much more on my mind but I can't think anymore...

P.S. I really only remember you ever telling me you love me once. You may have though it, you may have felt it but you only said it once while we were together. We were walking between the 2 buildings to get to the stairs. you said it there. I never said anything back but you knew it..

Drunk post!

David is still so fucken HOT!

Friends...

You have friends for life, friends that use you, friends that you use, friends of the moment, you have friends that you only do curtain things with, best friends, frienemies, friends that are like family, you have new friends, old friends, friends that will turn on a dime to sell you out, friends that constantly make you feel like trash, you have friends that only want to see you fail, friends that love you for who you are, friends who only want the best for you, you have friends you've never met, friends at work, friends next door, friends you would sell your soul for to help, you have friends that are there to watch you bleed, friends that are no longer there for you, friends that you would never expect you would befriend.. Which one are you? Which one do I honestly think you are? I'll never tell!

I want this

LOVE.

The is so sad!

I really like this post card. It's sad and depressing. I hope everything is well for this person.

Postsecret.com

I really love this post card..

CAT

Pics from last nights dinner!

Drunk post!!!!

Ok so I know I'm not the hottest thing walking this earth and I know I'm not gods gift to man but OMG why do I date such ugly guys!!!! I ran into 2 ex boyfriends tonight... I can do so much better than all of them put together. I really hate to be so shallow but yeah..... this is so DOLORIS!!! Gen that is so for you!! SO Mary is so over its all about Doloris and Tragic!!!! Nails is a thing of the past although it may take me a hot min to get over it...I will... I said "will". LOL.... DOLOR i'd so hit that shit anytime!!!!! I'm gonna get into so much TROUBLE, TROUBLE, TROUBLE, TROUBLE TRA UBLOU..... I can't think.. Nite!!!!!! LOVE EVERY ONE!!!!

My jam of the moment!!!

Drunk Blog: Sherwin you rock!!

I love how people in Hawaii say they are the biggest Mariah Carey fan and then have to show them the tat... LOL..I Want to get another Mariah tat. Is it wrong to get a whole new tattoo when I need to fix the shitty one that I already have? Blah, blah, blah...... P.S. last night was so much fun!

Another Poem.

Here is another untitled poem. I guess I never wanted to ruin this poem with a title because I love this one so much. I wrote this a long time ago. Its always been my favorite. I honestly don't know why but it has:


The streets are alive with lights
Electric glitter sparkling
And the wind so cold
Echoes of the past
Still lingers on,
Faintly I hear heartbreak
I fear Im loosing you
Hearts grow old
And feelings change
All will end in time..
Then the street lights fade away
Glitter turns to dust,
The echoes silence,
As the sun breaks free
The cold air dies
And still you are here.

Poem: Untilted

Heres a poem that I wrote a long time ago back in '04. I didnt give it a title. It's short, I like it.

The sun comes up
And your still here
Truly I am loved
You fill me with
All you have..
Never have I been more blessed

Don't Look Into Its Eyes!!!

It'll turn you to stone!

New Years Eve..

Mrs. Lions, Jon and I had a blast!! Thanks Ho's!

OMG another drunk night in waikiki. I don't remember taking these pictures but thank god I did. I love them!!

Hiking!

Kitty during his youth!

OMG he was a kitten in this!! Now hes a fat fucken cat!

Where was this?

It was at a steak house or something I cant remember where though.