Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Steven

Here's the truth. I only wanted to love you but you kept treating me like I was some kind of fling or something you were using to kill time with until something better came along. And thats the reason why I broke up with you in the letter the first time. I don't remember there being a second time but you sad there was. I was just there in you life, I just existed but nothing was ever official. It's like you never showed that you loved or cared for me yet you say you did. I don't know, all I really ever wanted from you was for you to love me the way I loved you but it never came easy for you. You say that we competed too much and thats why we never made it. I don't know what your talking about.... It's so stupid cause I'm still waiting on you. I know it may never happen but I can wish can't I? Lately I've been so depressed. IDK if its cause I miss you or if I miss having someone to be there for. I really am jealous of sheila. You treat her so much better than you ever treated me. I really hate her so much for that. She got to know a part of you that I'll never get to know. I'm honestly not mad at you, well at least not anymore. I'm moving on more and more every day but tonight set me back a little. You know whats really funny? I erased you number from my phone over 20 times. It just felt right but I couldn't make the feeling stick. I always wanted to text you or call you to some how get your attention. I'm typing and crying at the same time and I feel so stupid.. I don't know if you remember Hy's steak house? That was one of my favorite memories of you and I. It just felt so right.. That moment just stands out so much when I think of all our times together.. Thanks for that night it really meant a lot! I really meant what I said on new years night. That's all I really ever wanted to hear. All I ever wanted from you was to acknowledge what I did for you. I never wanted anything back form you just a thanks. I still hope you find what your looking for. If not I'll still be here but not for long. Anyways Ill see you soon. I have so much more on my mind but I can't think anymore...

P.S. I really only remember you ever telling me you love me once. You may have though it, you may have felt it but you only said it once while we were together. We were walking between the 2 buildings to get to the stairs. you said it there. I never said anything back but you knew it..


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