I'm in love.

Thats all. I'm a stupid ass but I have my reasons. Your still a mother fucken asshole but I love you so much! I can't see myself without you and I don't want to be without you.

I got tested today...

and I am HIV-.. Whoop Whoop.. For some reason I was really scared to take the test. Although in the back of my mind I knew without a doubt that it would be negative. I kept thinking what would happen if it came back positive? I don't even know how it would effect me. I know people with HIV and they live a some what normal life. Anyways I took the rapid test and it only took 20 min and no blood was needed. They give you a swab to run across your gums and on the inside of your mouth. Next they place it in a little cup with a liquid. The tester starts the timer and BOOM! you got results in 20 min. It was pain free and easy. Oh BTW I went to the Life Foundation.. Well anyways I'm out.. I'm happy with today... Ciao Bella!

I couldn't have said it better Mariah!

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm
Slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I breakdown and cry

Poem Tuesday!

I found this poem I wrote on myspace..

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Through all the pain,

Tears can be wiped away,

Through all the sorrow,

You'll still live to love another day,

And through our happiness,

you'll survive indefinitely,

In my heart......


*And after every storm,

If you look hard enough,

A rainbow appears....

*inspired by Rainbow...

Mrs. Kitten

Gen thanks for being so amazing!! You are truly awesome and I'm so thankful to know you.. Skank!

I'm in love with Anderson Cooper!

He is so amazing!

Steven

Here's the truth. I only wanted to love you but you kept treating me like I was some kind of fling or something you were using to kill time with until something better came along. And thats the reason why I broke up with you in the letter the first time. I don't remember there being a second time but you sad there was. I was just there in you life, I just existed but nothing was ever official. It's like you never showed that you loved or cared for me yet you say you did. I don't know, all I really ever wanted from you was for you to love me the way I loved you but it never came easy for you. You say that we competed too much and thats why we never made it. I don't know what your talking about.... It's so stupid cause I'm still waiting on you. I know it may never happen but I can wish can't I? Lately I've been so depressed. IDK if its cause I miss you or if I miss having someone to be there for. I really am jealous of sheila. You treat her so much better than you ever treated me. I really hate her so much for that. She got to know a part of you that I'll never get to know. I'm honestly not mad at you, well at least not anymore. I'm moving on more and more every day but tonight set me back a little. You know whats really funny? I erased you number from my phone over 20 times. It just felt right but I couldn't make the feeling stick. I always wanted to text you or call you to some how get your attention. I'm typing and crying at the same time and I feel so stupid.. I don't know if you remember Hy's steak house? That was one of my favorite memories of you and I. It just felt so right.. That moment just stands out so much when I think of all our times together.. Thanks for that night it really meant a lot! I really meant what I said on new years night. That's all I really ever wanted to hear. All I ever wanted from you was to acknowledge what I did for you. I never wanted anything back form you just a thanks. I still hope you find what your looking for. If not I'll still be here but not for long. Anyways Ill see you soon. I have so much more on my mind but I can't think anymore...

P.S. I really only remember you ever telling me you love me once. You may have though it, you may have felt it but you only said it once while we were together. We were walking between the 2 buildings to get to the stairs. you said it there. I never said anything back but you knew it..

Drunk post!

David is still so fucken HOT!

Friends...

You have friends for life, friends that use you, friends that you use, friends of the moment, you have friends that you only do curtain things with, best friends, frienemies, friends that are like family, you have new friends, old friends, friends that will turn on a dime to sell you out, friends that constantly make you feel like trash, you have friends that only want to see you fail, friends that love you for who you are, friends who only want the best for you, you have friends you've never met, friends at work, friends next door, friends you would sell your soul for to help, you have friends that are there to watch you bleed, friends that are no longer there for you, friends that you would never expect you would befriend.. Which one are you? Which one do I honestly think you are? I'll never tell!

I want this

LOVE.

The is so sad!

I really like this post card. It's sad and depressing. I hope everything is well for this person.

Postsecret.com

I really love this post card..

CAT

Pics from last nights dinner!

Drunk post!!!!

Ok so I know I'm not the hottest thing walking this earth and I know I'm not gods gift to man but OMG why do I date such ugly guys!!!! I ran into 2 ex boyfriends tonight... I can do so much better than all of them put together. I really hate to be so shallow but yeah..... this is so DOLORIS!!! Gen that is so for you!! SO Mary is so over its all about Doloris and Tragic!!!! Nails is a thing of the past although it may take me a hot min to get over it...I will... I said "will". LOL.... DOLOR i'd so hit that shit anytime!!!!! I'm gonna get into so much TROUBLE, TROUBLE, TROUBLE, TROUBLE TRA UBLOU..... I can't think.. Nite!!!!!! LOVE EVERY ONE!!!!

My jam of the moment!!!

Drunk Blog: Sherwin you rock!!

I love how people in Hawaii say they are the biggest Mariah Carey fan and then have to show them the tat... LOL..I Want to get another Mariah tat. Is it wrong to get a whole new tattoo when I need to fix the shitty one that I already have? Blah, blah, blah...... P.S. last night was so much fun!

Another Poem.

Here is another untitled poem. I guess I never wanted to ruin this poem with a title because I love this one so much. I wrote this a long time ago. Its always been my favorite. I honestly don't know why but it has:


The streets are alive with lights
Electric glitter sparkling
And the wind so cold
Echoes of the past
Still lingers on,
Faintly I hear heartbreak
I fear Im loosing you
Hearts grow old
And feelings change
All will end in time..
Then the street lights fade away
Glitter turns to dust,
The echoes silence,
As the sun breaks free
The cold air dies
And still you are here.

Poem: Untilted

Heres a poem that I wrote a long time ago back in '04. I didnt give it a title. It's short, I like it.

The sun comes up
And your still here
Truly I am loved
You fill me with
All you have..
Never have I been more blessed

Don't Look Into Its Eyes!!!

It'll turn you to stone!

New Years Eve..

Mrs. Lions, Jon and I had a blast!! Thanks Ho's!

OMG another drunk night in waikiki. I don't remember taking these pictures but thank god I did. I love them!!